Saving the planet.

Obviously this was inspired by that dick in the Prius who was driving I’m front of me this morning.

I say “driving” but obviously I use the term loosely as it was more like just coasting and hoping the gravitational pull of the earth would provide the required momentum for his pretentious smugmobile.

It’s always the same too.

Every Prius I see seems to be driven along at 28mph by some foppish gimp who thinks that by irritating me by not even reaching the speed limit (obviously I’m late for work at this point) they will single handedly save the planet.

So if someone out there who is maybe reading this and who possibly has something to do with the supply of the Prius to smug dickheads can please just even get the ball rolling…

…to get the message across…

…to please…

…just fucking drive.

It’s a fucking car.

Not the ark of the covenant.

No more TV

It has become clear to me after recognising pretty much every episode of Jeremy Kyle and Roadwars that has crossed our field of vision today, that Tiff and I have now watched all of the TV in the world and there is in fact, no more TV to watch.

Might as well go to bed then.

Road Wars

I love any “fly on the wall” style documentary about the police.

Road Wars has to be one of my favourites though, that and Send in the Dogs.

Personally I think anyone who gives the police any shit should be pepper sprayed, smacked round the head with a baton and then have a big angry police dog set on them.

None of this due process bollocks, that would cut crime rates right down if you ask me.

Army manoeuvres

I have decided, in the absence of any pants today to go commando.

This seems to have had some kind of knock on effect on my WordPress account though since it will let me log in and blog away quite happily using my iPhone app but won’t let me log onto the website using the same credentials to change password.

So next time you find yourself bereft of underwear, spare a thought for the online consequences.

Parenthood Gremlins.

My son is almost 1 now and I love him to bits.

However, as I was carrying out the usual late for work get the kiddie to mother’s rush I realised something.

Being a parent to 1yr old is a lot like a scene from the film Gremlins.

One scene in particular actually. You know the one where Billy’s house has been overran by Gremlins and his mother is panicking. Everywhere she looks there’s a Gremlin. There’s one ripping the phone apart, one on the stairs, some in the kitchen cupboards…probably one wanking itself off over her knickers…you know the scene.

Well that’s what it’s like having a 1yr old. Except there’s only one of them…but they’re EVERYWHERE and into EVERYTHING…ALL OF THE TIME.

If there’s a problem…

…in this world that can’t be sorted by codeine phosphate, beer and duct tape then quite frankly I don’t want to fuckin’ know about that shit.

Why the fuck…

…can’t SOMEBODY see sense and pay me to play video games and be funny?.